I don’t have that many rice cakes to give

Jul 7

Written By Erin

Recently, I sent a small gift to a friend. It was a soft canvas tote in light green with pink lettering. I saw it and thought it would look good on her.

She lives overseas and was only in Seoul for a couple of weeks, so instead of trying to meet up, I simply texted her the link. All she had to do was enter her address, and it would be delivered to her home. I knew she’d probably have a lot on her plate during such a short visit. So it was my way of saying Hi! after not seeing each other for ages. She’s one of those friends I don’t just like, but genuinely admire. She’s smart and talented, yet remarkably warm, wise, and blessed with a wonderfully dry sense of humor.

She thanked me, then added, in the very Korean way, “You didn’t have to! We’re too close to be doing things like this.” We’d been friends for decades, so what she meant was that she already knew how I felt about our friendship, I didn’t have to go the extra mile to show it.

I smiled because I knew exactly what she meant. But I also wanted to tell her about a small change I’d made in how I’m trying to express appreciation to the good people in my life. So I replied, “I’ve recently decided to stop giving extra rice cakes to people I don’t like very much. I’m only going to share my rice cakes with the people I love, like, and respect.”

For anyone unfamiliar with the Korean saying, “Give the extra rice cake to the person you dislike” (미운 놈 떡 하나 더 준다), it’s about being generous even toward people you’re not huge fans of. It’s similar to the English expression, “Kill them with kindness.”

My resolution wasn’t about being less gracious. It was about becoming more intentional with where I spend my affection, attention, and energy.

My rice cakes are limited. I’d rather give them to the people I genuinely love, like, and respect.