I Never Learned How to Meditate

Years ago, my company sent me on a two-day meditation retreat. I boarded a bus with a group of colleagues, apparently the people our company thought could benefit from a little more mindfulness. We headed somewhere deep into the countryside. 

There was yoga, guided meditation, and mindful eating, where dinner took much longer than any meal I’d normally have. We spent much of our time sitting still, with our eyes closed. We were encouraged to notice our thoughts without following them.

Did it change me? Not really.

I’ve tried getting up a little bit earlier to meditate. I’ve downloaded the apps, some I paid for. I’ve sat in silence and spent a great deal of the time chasing my thoughts once I realized they’d wandered off (although apparently that’s part of the process.)

Over the years, I realized I do have moments when my mind goes completely quiet.

They happen while I’m driving to work, stuck in traffic on the highway, watching the cars ahead with music playing. 

They happen at the hairdresser, when someone else is washing my hair. For ten or fifteen minutes, there’s nowhere else to be. No phone to check. Just warm water, the sound of running water, and someone gently working through my hair.

Sometimes it happens while I’m waiting for my coffee. One eye on the barista, the other watching people pass outside the window.

For a long time, I thought mindfulness was something I had to go looking for. It turns out I’ve been finding it in ordinary moments all along.